"It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling."
 - Mark Twain

"One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball."
 - Don Carter, pro bowler

"I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart."
 - Buddy Hackett

"I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewerspectators."
 - Gerald Ford

"Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot." - Dave Marr

"It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on
 the golf course."
 - Hank Aaron

"The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing."
 - Phyllis Diller

"I'm very lucky. If it wasn't for golf I don't know what I'd be doing. If my IQ had been
 two points lower, I'd have been a plant somewhere."
 - Lee Trevino

"I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It is called an eraser."
 - Arnold Palmer

"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons
 singularly ill-designed for the purpose."
 - Winston Churchill

"Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle."
 - Anonymous

"Tee your ball high...air offers less resistance than dirt."
 - Jack Nicklaus

"Why is it that when you tell yourself, 'don't hit it in the water' your body only seems to
 hear the word 'water'?"
 - Anonymous

"The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name...and they say golf is a
 quiet game."
 - Anonymous

"Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all
 the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink."
 - Bob Hope

"Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him. The smart golfer throws his club ahead so
 he can pick it up on the way to the next hole."
 - Anonymous

Corollary: "clubs don't float."
 - Anonymous

"He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie."
 - Mickey Mantle

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because youstop laughing