A bald man walked into a wig shop and bought a wig. The clerk said, "That 
will be $50, plus tax."

The man replied, "Forget the tacks. I'll use glue."



Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? 
He wanted to transcend dental medication




Three friends died in a car accident. When they arrived in heaven, St. Peter 
met them at the Pearly Gates. Before allowing them to enter heaven, he asked 
what they had done in their lives to earn admittance.

The first said: "I was a doctor and delivered many babies and saved many 
lives." St. Peter acknowledged his fine work and let him in.

The second said: "I was a teacher and taught many children who became 
outstanding citizens." St. Peter let him in as well.

The third said: "I was head of an HMO whose health services saved many 
people." Saint Peter replied: "Fine work, you may go into heaven, but you 
can stay only three days."




Osama bin Laden finally gets hit with a bomb and tries to get into heaven. 
He's standing at the Pearly Gates when St. Peter turns him away, saying, 
"You have to go to the other place." So bin Laden goes away.

The next morning there is a knock at the Pearly Gates, and when St. Peter 
opens it, there are five devils standing there.

"What in the world are you doing here?" asks St. Peter.

"We're the first wave of refugees," they reply.